Just Chatting: This Is My Life

So warning before I start, I think this post is about to get deep. (Sorry 'bout that).

Via Weheartit

OK, so this morning I got up (omg, please tell me more) and I sort of procrastinated about doing that. And then I procrastinated in the shower, because I like my shower. (Don't worry, this is going to get interesting soon). And I went about my morning, I didn't particularly enjoy it, because let's face it, who actually like mornings?

Then I was standing at my bus stop, and I could see the bus coming around the corner, and out of no where, this thought sort of slapped me in the face. This is my life. And you're probably reading this thinking, yea I know. She's gonna start saying YOLO soon. Oh god, get me out of here. That's  not what I mean. Well, it is what I mean sort of but I'm not going to start saying it.

Via Weheartit

Via Weheartit

What I mean to say, is that I just stood there and thought: this is my life. And it doesn't belong to anyone else. I own it. Completely. And you can read that and skim over it, but no. No. Just no. Stop and think. This is your life. And you might not get a tomorrow. And nothing will ever be this day again. And nothing will ever be exactly the same. Not this second, you'll never feel all of this again. And yo'll never feel what you plan in the far off 'some-day', because if it comes, it'll be now. And it won't be like you dream. I mean, all you know in life, is what you know right now. And this is your life.

Every morning for so many years, I've  not wanted to get out of bed. I've not wanted to start my day. And as far as I'm concerned, it'll be like that forever. And I don't like that thought. I don't want to spend all of my moments like this. I don't. I don't know about you, but I really don't.

But it's not up to someone else to change that. It's not up to time to make your life change. It's not going to magically happen when you finish school. And I stood there this morning and the bus stopped right in front of me, not anyone else, me. And I just thought that I have no clue on how to make each day something that I want to get out of bed for. I know how to survive my days, but I don't know how to make them good. Great even. I don't know what would make me jump out of bed in the morning.

Via Weheartit

And I suppose a lot of people would think that love was the answer for that. Ahhh. I'm not up for that. Honestly, I'm 16. I'm not going to fall in love. I don't even know what love is. And I don't want to spend my time waiting for it. Because when I look around, it seems like so many people are waiting. Waiting for love. Waiting for an opportunity. Waiting for inspiration. Just waiting.

Maybe it's because of that, that I don't know a single person whose life I want. But I know that I don't want to spend my life waiting. I want a life that's far away from waking up 'OK'. But I suppose, I just don't know how to get there. I suppose I'll keep trying. Maybe I'll die trying. I don't know. I'll keep you posted.