Just Chatting: So This Is My New Years

Hey guys so I just thought I'd tell you, it being New Years and all. (why do I feel like important things are meant to be happening on New Years?) Now you lot are probably going out and partying and doing good things. Very jealous here. Remember safe sex is good sex. Though if you're about 13 then I don't really think that it really is good sex at all. Hmm. I think I took that too far.

Anyway so I've already been down to the fireworks, with my mate Jess. We chilled, walked around for a while. Then she dropped my home. That was my night. I think it went for the whole of 3 hours. Maybe 3 and a half. Wow, I'm pushing socializing.

So now I'm sat in my room just doing the total of not much at all. Really feeling empty sad at the moment. Do you get that? When you're just feeling empty and still really sad. Sad that isn't melancholy. God I'm so tired, haven't gone to bed in a reasonable time in so long. I don't know, maybe it's just feeling flat.

Anyway I'm listening to Thelma Plum and The Kite String Tangle. I think First Aid Kit is on too. It's good music. Sorry I'm not being very cheerful here. I don't know if I'll even put photos in this post. Wow, that is sad.

I'm sitting here, it's 11:35 at night and I think everyone in my house is asleep. My brother David has gone out to a New Years Party with his year 12 mates. And I'm on my computer, tired of thinking. I just Googled stuff on same sex relationships. I swear I'm tired of going through these same thoughts. I'm sick of wondering if I'm gay or not. I thought about coming out to Jess as bi tonight. I didn't. I actually seriously considered  coming out to my mum. (Yes I spell it Mum, not Mom, Americans.You'll have to survive). I also didn't do that. I don't know what I want the internet to tell me. I don't know what it can tell me. I looked at a couple of websites, they'd stopped giving me information about sexuality. Moved on to more important things like depression and anxiety, or just shut down. There's this  one and it's got the stories about lesbians coming out and "coming soon" or something. Fricken hell. The post was made in 2011. It's 2015 tomorrow. I don't think that's really soon anymore.
The information I did read though, I sort of hated. I wanted to hate  it so I suppose that it's not a fair assessment.

Oh Imagine Dragons just came on. I really love this band. I never thought I share these thoughts about coming out with my little blog, I thought I'd make a "coming out" post in a long time, proudly stating that I'm gay and be able to smile at that title and say "well I got here". That's not how it's going. Things never go how I imagine them. Honestly I just want to talk about it. In the least talkative way I can. Man, I am not good at this.

For some reason all I can think is "sorry mum". Sorry mum. Ever since I Googled these gay help pages. Oh why is this so tacky?

Alrighty. I'm going to bed. Night guys. Feel like I should end this with "sorry mum". Yeah that'd be dramatic. It'd make a good story.

Sorry Mum. Don't really know why I'm apologizing. Don't really want to think about it to be honest.

Sorry Mum.