So I've never actually known if you guys guy two fucks about me trying to come out in the world. I've had no clue. But since I'm pretty much brutally honest here I feel like I should share. Or not that I should but I want to. Now it's 11:35 on a Saturday night and I'm chilling here in long socks, no bra and a flannelette. Don't even have music playing. It's just me and the night. And then the annoying bugs that keep flying in through the holes in the fly-screen on my window. Ugh bugs.
So I'm chilling here in the dark and just thinking. Classic of thoughts for about nine months now, after not to long I started wondering if I was gay or not. Ha, fun thoughts.
I decide it shouldn't matter.
It shouldn't matter to anyone at all.
Because to me it doesn't matter whether you're a guy or a girl (or anywhere in between). If you're gay or straight or anywhere else. It doesn't matter. I don't care whether you're parents are divorced or if you live with your mum or your dad or you grandmother's dog. I don't care whether you want to be a doctor or a musician. Or whatever your nationality is at all. I don't care if you hate your ears, or you hands. It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter.
What does matter is who you are. And those things do make up who you are, but there are bigger things. Like whether you're going to be nice to me. And whether you're my friend or not. Because if you're my friend, it's going to take a whole lot more than changing any of those things to make any difference at all. Now I don't even think I'd look twice if one of my best girl friends tell me they want to grow a beard (but obviously no mustache) and devote their life to finding the perfect pair of overalls.
So I'm the person who gives the most fucks if I'm gay or not. Because it affects me most. (Or it should). And so it's me that I really have to come out to. And that's hard. It's fricken hard. Try not lying to yourself ever. It's hard.
But how do you even go about being gay? I have so many questions. How do I know if a girl is gay or not, because I'm fairly sure that I'm going to miss out on the introductory handshake. And then, ugh. I don't know what I'm confused about. Dating should be the same, but just, it's something I've never done before. And it's not something I have a whole lot of knowledge on how to approach.
I think as a kid I knew I was gay. Man, me as a child was very intelligent.
So moral of today guys: be honest with yourself as best you can because it is very useful in everything you do :D
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