LISTEN UP

So you lot. Yeah, you lot. Right so I don't actually know if I'm speaking to a damn person out there but that's not really the point. I'm writing a some sort of diary here right now (as of today, let's see how long this lasts) and the point is to be brutally honest with the world, a fair be of ranting and me scratching my head and being confused at all these intricacies of life.

Right so here in Australia we're in the last month of spring. The days are getting longer and it gets dark around 7:30, so that I don't feel like there's much of a night at all. The crickets have begun chirping and its the time when we all start thinking about ice-creams and milkshakes in the afternoon and wonder about whether we shall have a barbecue with friends on the weekend.

Right now, being a student, things are damn confusing. I feel proud when I don't punch someone in the face these days. If I'm lucky I get 8 and a half hours of sleep a night and I still almost fall asleep in french or modern history (the two most boring classes I do). Literally, my eyes were closing to the point when your only woken up by the sudden falling of your head as you fall asleep. People are less tolerable these days. Maybe that's connected with the lack of sleep. I've come to realize that I don't know a single person who's not a hypocrite, something immensely sad, or perhaps that's just being immensely human. (And yes, I am including myself in that statement). People aren't very good at getting things done. They say they 'should' and then, a week later they say 'oh I would do that if that hadn't happened...' They never really intended to do it. I can see i in most of my friends, they complain and groan and yawn but never do a thing to change what they grumble about. I'm not sure that that is logically - if we're going to the effort to complain about things then you'd think we'd do something to change it wouldn't we?

Anyway, the ocean is quite these days, and the wind has died down so you never even need to take a jumper to school. It's like the world's is breathing deeply, calming itself for a mindless party, or an incredible roar. You only need one blanket to sleep, and still you can happily stick a foot out from under it (unless, of course, you think there's a demon that's about to latch onto your ankle). If you wake up early in the morning (because sometimes your brain is cruel and does things like this to you) the sky is beginning to be light, touching itself with a blushing yellow. When you look out, the clouds in a pale violet, are drifting along the sky, soon to be joined by birds delighting in a new day. After all of this life being to goddamn beautiful, you'd think I could be stunningly happy and basically skip for joy. Truth be told, I'm very proud of myself I get through a day without punching someone. Gods forbid if the weather gets bad - murdering someone might yet be on the cards. 

Chatting: Size

Size is funny thing. And honestly, generally I think it shouldn't be commented on - that's the safest thing to do. However that exasperates me, because it's a fact of life that I'm skinnier than some people and wider than others. However, I'm still the stingy person who looks at an XX large and wonders why I have to pay the same price for about half the material, as I'm buying it in a small. Still, I can deal with it, and I think it's the best thing to do. Still, when I only have $10 left in my wallet, I wish it was otherwise.

So this year I've finally lost weight, and managed to keep it off. Hooray for me because I'm proud. But I'm annoyed because now my clothes don't fit me as well as they should, and I don't have the money to buy a new wardrobe. Ah. Life.

Today, as I complained about this, my mother told me "I  look quite thin these days." I think she meant it as a compliment. But I find it hard to take it as one. Having watched friends turn anorexic, and hugging girls who are so bony you worry about bulimia, I don't find that 'skinny' is a compliment anymore. I've found that size tortures most people, and I find that I generally really don't care at all about what size people are. In fact so long as your hair isn't oily, you're not putting on a kilogram in make-up and you look generally clean, I'm pretty happy with hanging out with you. 

Let's Do Things: Letters

Write something. Once a month, put a date down on a piece of paper, get a pen and write about what you see in the world. What you hate, and who makes you love things. What song you danced crazily last midnight. Write it down. And start with a name. Write to your brother. Or your dog. Or your grandmother. Write to an older version of you. Or a city. Or an idea. And write about what you imagine this person or thing to be doing. And be completely honest. If you feel like shit, write it down - it's a feeling, don't doubt it. Just once a month. Or once every three months. Or on New Years Eve. Or whenever you feel like it.

Just put on a great song, or listen to the silence and write about what that particular moment feels like. Do you feel big or small? Are you hopeful or can't you get anything right? Who would you want to kiss and who would want to kiss you? Who would you love to make a cup of  tea for? What do you wish people would do? And what do you want to be remembered for? Who would you like to punch and why won't you do that?

Write it all down. Just to get it out of you. And leave feeling like your words are empty and your soul is full. Smile as you finish and fold up your paper, seal it in an envelop and put it somewhere. Keep it, and  never throw it away. And so don't be scared anymore, because who you are is wrapped up in those pages. Those little things that you wrote. And the words you used to write them. 

Don't try and be anyone else, and there's nothing you should or shouldn't write. Write about how you masturbated or write about how good the ice-cream bucket you're slowly munching through is. Write it down because that happened. It happened. Nothing's going to make it un-happen. And don't think about what anyone else would write about in this situation, just write what you would write in this situation.

And if I could be bold and give you some advice, don't focus on how sad you feel, or how happy you feel. Write about the selection of emotions that you've felt through the week and why you felt them. Just pick up a pen, close down your computer and forget about the world. Just be you and that green paper. And the words you write. Let your thoughts live.

Music: Vance joy, Art of Sleeping, Florence and the Machine, Meg Mac, Andy Bull

Style: Liv Tyler

All photos from Weheartit

Alright, so I re-vamped the blog (I don't know if 're-vamped' is a word... looks like I'm "re-vamping" English as well), so I hope you guys like it a lot (or even just a little). Anyway so today we're on to style. (*cheers from imaginary crowd*).

So Liv Tyler. In case you don't know who she is, she's an actress. She played Arwen in The Lord of The Rings, (which you all should've seen - perhaps multiple times) and she's a pretty cool human which I thought I'd point out to you lot.

What I love about her style is that she doesn't just leave it at the clothes: it's her AND her face that make it all up, without putting all of the focus on one or the other. Plus she has amazing eyebrows (what else is there to need in life?).

She has this amazingly strong face, that's kind got of look that says "I'm-so-independant-why-the-hell-would-I-need-you?" and then puts that with a girly outfit, or something really sweet and it's kind of quirky, kind of amazing, and just adds so many more levels to her look.

She's obsessed with the miniskirt, sweet colours and clothes of simplicity that speak for themselves just enough but don't seem to be screaming at you or at attention. She's also got the casual "I-spent-less-than-half-an-hour-on-this-outfit" look nailed, without having to go all indie with teased hair and wearing a maxi skirt. But then she can also manage the full face smoky eyes killer make-up without looking at all uncomfortable.

She just seems wear everything with an ease and un-self-consciousness, without looking like it ever is trying too hard or wearing something that doesn't suit her personality at all.

And then her eyebrows, well I don't even know where to start. I don't know how she got such great eyebrows, maybe some people just get all the luck? Is there a way to steal their good luck? Because I am very willing to try.

Music: Imagine Dragons, Art of Sleeping, The Fray, Arctic Monkeys, Jaymes Young

FriLife: Motivation

What are you excited for?

Seriously, think about. 

What is it tomorrow that you can't wait for?

Or later this afternoon?

Or right after reading this?

What it is that puts your eyes on fire and your heart beating in your chest?

That brings you back to childhood, before you got so caught up in what you were told is life?

There are days and patches of time where you could be having the best time of your life, but you can't be bothered. You know the feeling. "I should do that, but I sort of just wanna sit here..." (or insert other lazy excuse). But you had no anticipation for doing it, on excitement, so you're not really letting yourself down much if you don't do it. So it's pretty easy just to do something mediocre instead. 

Or you just don't know what to do on days when you have all the time on the world. So you waste your day. Not a lazy day, but a day when you go to bed being annoyed at yourself for not doing something with your day.

So I'm saying get excited. Do something with your days. And anticipate the doing something. Don't let yourself down and get excited for your day tomorrow, as you have a shower or just before you go to bed. Hell, even get a dose of excitement whole you're brushing your teeth or on the toilet. Just. Do. It. And don't let yourself down. You were excited for these things, don't just give up on it.

And while you're thinking of what you're excited for don't believe that's there's nothing special waiting for you in your day tomorrow. You're living you're day tomorrow, you're leading your life. Of course it's going to be special. So come up with five things. I'm not kidding. Five. Five whole moments that you're excited for.

And that's all they have to be, a moment. It can be eating breakfast, then listening to music on the bus, getting home, watching a movie and going to bed. It can even be things you don't particularly want to do like going for a run or having to deal with the kind of scary librarian called Debra. Hell I've even had a job interview as one of the things I've been doing excited for.

Just tell yourself that you're excited for it and it makes things easier. You get things done. You're days feel fulfilled. You have more time. And you spend more time smiling. What's the harm?

FriLife: Friends

Now I write about friends a lot. Mainly because they're a big part of my life. Confusing. Wonderful. Fricken annoying. Generally just between "yay friends" and "ugh friends" is my opinion of them.

Truth be told, I do love my friends. I love them dearly. So I get annoyed at them. And that's exactly what everyone has to do (to stay sane).

If you can't get annoyed at your friends, you're not friends with the right people. If you feel annoyed at them all the time, you're also friends with the wrong people. And as a young girl, I wish someone had told me that. It would've saved me so much time.

If you don't believe me, think about the people you love. Parents, siblings? (Yes you might not feel like you love them at the moment but you probs do...) Some times you love them to pieces (generally when you feel all emotional and mushy and everything), and at other times you hate them so much you want to drive a truck over them.

That's like friends. You spend some great times with them, but you're not happy all the time, and neither are they; both of you get angry. Just don't take it out on them (unless for the 50th time it is definitely their fault), just say "not in the best mood right now mate," and put your music in and rock out (seriously the rocking out is the most essential part when you're up to it).

Learning how to be angry, and that it is OK to be angry is one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn, particularly because no one ever told me that feeling angry is OK. It's not OK if it's all the time, but on ever occasion it's just what you feel and that's fine.

There's no particular solution for when you are pissing some one off, as it's different for every friendship, but a useful phrase when you notice that you're pissing someone off is "oh sorry bro [or insert term you address them with], I'm pissing you off, I'll leave you alone now." Just coming straight at it is usually the best approach for any situation.

Music: St. Lucia, Peking Duk, Laidback Luke, NEW NAVY, Northeast Party House, Crooked Colours, Children Collide, Bluejuice, The Holidays, Andy Bull, The Trouble With Templeton, World's End Press, The Hics, ASTR, YesYou, Jaymes Young

A Rant: Jeans

A small rant here. I WANT A PAIR OF JEANS. OK thank you, I needed that. You've just helped me immensely. Now let me explain what I'm shouting for. Jeans. Jeans. They're just about my all time favourite fashion item, and I'm beginning to hate them. Because I cannot buy a decent pair.

When I say jeans, I want jeans. Actually denim. Not stretch denim. Denim. Proper and real. 
I, like everyone else liked the stretch denim. But now I walked into Topshop the other day, thinking "oh that's a cute pair of jeans" but they were really jeggings. Jeggings so tight that you can see the imprint of my underpants in them. Cute, but what am I meant to do about the fact that cute guy over there can now see that I was not bothered to wear a g-string? I do not feel like the world needs to have my legs so well defined, that they know all about my underpants.

And it's not just Topshop, every store seems to not stock denim anymore. Or has patterned denim. Or weird denim that I don't want to wear. What happened to a good old pair of black jeans?
Because the good thing about jeans was they would last you for ages, but now the stretch goes after six months and I have to go and buy myself another pair. Ugh.